Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
