I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
