you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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