Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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