Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
