I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
