I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
