Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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