Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
