I am puke
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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