I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
