Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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