Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
