i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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