South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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