I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
