i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
