Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
