i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
