Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
