High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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