Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
