kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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