Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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