O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
