Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
