I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
