UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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