....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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