Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
