Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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