I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
