I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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