So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
