dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
