We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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