your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
