if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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