Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You've changed since you got that strap on
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
