I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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