I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
