what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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