then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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