Where is the hickey?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
