i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
