Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
