last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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