well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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