So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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