dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
