I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
